i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
birth control should be required to get into college
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
