Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
