i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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