If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
