In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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