just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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