i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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