I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
