omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
