well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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