i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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