are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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