Are we in a gay sports bar?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
