You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
