It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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