He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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