I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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