Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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