you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
where are my eyebrows?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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