i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
