just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
