I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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