I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
