I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
