yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
