I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize