No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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