I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
