woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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