she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
