**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
