Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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