I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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