Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
