THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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