Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
