dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
