I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
