Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
