It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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