Cold hands, warm shart.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
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I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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