my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
