He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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