And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
