I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
