This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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