he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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