I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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