I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
