I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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