Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
