Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
