My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize