WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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