Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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