Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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