Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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