what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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