watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
