I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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