I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
