Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I am morally bankrupt
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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