If that was your dad, he is hot
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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