He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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