There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
