I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Vodka?
Forever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dear god my vagina.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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