End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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