So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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