Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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