if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
